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“Well… uh… To tell you the truth, I was on my way back to where my family is staying for now but I didn’t want to. No one understands me there anymore and I saw your vehicle enter the village,” he said.
“But… ” I couldn’t quite get the words out. I was puzzled. I didn’t know what to think. Did he come to his uncle’s because I was here?
“I’m really sorry. But… but I don’t know. I just… I just wanted to find you. I knew my uncle was staying here. I tried to ask him if he knows you. But he is busy right now. I’m getting the impression that he wished I hadn’t come by. He just wants to ignore me. He’s been so stressed lately and I understand him. Besides, out of all the girls who live here, he probably wouldn’t know you.”
I was lost for words. I felt my jaw drop slightly open. He went through all this trouble to see me?
“I felt hopeless,” he tried to explain. “I came here to the park because… I don’t know. Maybe I’d get to veg out… and well… maybe I was wishing I’d see you pass by or something.”
He looked me in the eye and I felt the despair he was feeling. He seemed so fragile and I felt so needed.
“Are you mad? Please don’t be. I’m not planning to do anything to hurt you. I’m sorry. It’s just that you said you wanted to help me. That’s why I wanted to find you. You’re the only person who has been concerned of how I feel about all that’s been happening. And I just...”
I couldn’t help it. He looked like a little lost orphan boy whose been trying to find shelter all day. I pitied him so much, for I have just realized that he must be going through a really tough time. I reached out and hugged him really tight as if he was a long lost friend of mine. It was the thing I wanted to do all week long. I wasn’t really sure how he would react but to my surprise, he just hugged me back. His skin was as cold as ice and yet, I could feel his warmth inside. Poor thing. He must have been out for a long time.
It was the best hug I’ve ever had. I probably sound like a Care Bear, but it’s true. He let me go and so did I.
“It’s getting late. It can be dangerous out here. You should go home. Can I walk you?” he said. Of course I agreed.
We got to my house so quickly. Everyone was asleep. I asked Sean if he wanted to come in. He said it was all right. I took my mat and pillows from the grass and lead him to our porch. There I sat with him on the wooden floor and we talked all about life, death and letting go, though we were almost complete strangers. He had become more open to me now. Five hours had passed so quickly and he looked so tired. I wanted so much to give him my bed so he could rest, but I knew my dad wouldn’t approve of that. They didn’t even know I had let someone in, for everyone at home was asleep early. I took a pillow, placed in on my lap and asked him if he wanted to rest his head on the pillow. I wanted him to be comfortable. He lied on floor on his side with his head on my lap. I felt a bit tired too so I rested my head next to his. We were really getting comfortable with each other already. I was sure we’d be good friends.
“Halley?” he called.
“Yea?” I said.
“I’ve been thinking. All this time I felt so sad, I was never able to cry. It’s like I couldn’t. It’s strange.”
“You know what’s got me thinking?”
“What?”
“Now that I look at it, death really does seem sad. I mean, we mourn for a person when they die. But the fact is, sooner or later, we do forget about them. They do become a part of your past. They’re only a part of your memory, but it seems like they never do become a part of you anymore. Come to think about it, although losing someone is hard and a person must move on, it is also sad for those who have departed. No one will really remember them everyday anymore. If I had a good friend who died, then she wouldn’t be at any of my birthday parties anymore. She would miss out on triumphs that we have both had. She wouldn’t be there when our batch graduates. My future children would not know of her. She wouldn’t have her own children. She wouldn’t have her own future. She wouldn’t meet the man she would love through thick and thin. She can watch us all grow into individuals whom we want to be, and yet she will rarely be remembered. And its.. just so sad..”
Sean wasn’t responding anymore. He had become a bit warmer now. I reached to stroke his hair out of his face. And I felt moisture on his face. He was asleep already and he was finally able to cry.
The next morning I woke up on the porch. The first thing I thought about was if Sean was still there.
“Good morning,” said a calm friendly voice. It was Sean. He was already up and was leaning at our fence, staring at the early sunrise.
“Good morning,” I replied as I walked towards him. “So what are your plans now?”
“You know how the sun rises every morning and sets every night? It just came to me that you really couldn’t appreciate the new morning if you stay up all night trying to wait for it to come. You’d feel exhausted the next day and you’d just want to sleep through the whole morning. But if you accept that the evening darkness always comes, and you just sleep through it like you should, the new morning always seems so promising. I don’t know if that makes sense to you, but that is what I’m going to do. I have experienced a good thing and now its over. I shouldn’t just wait for it tirelessly to come back. It always will. So why don’t I just do what I have to do? Why wait for something to happen when I can move on until something happens?”
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Audrey Tangonan
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Comments
Sarah | Mar 15th, 2006
I really enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing this.
good job! gidge | Jan 17th, 2008
wow! i love it! i wish i could write a story like that. to be honest i qm in the process of letting go myself so your words help me a lot. thank you.
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