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AS I STARED at the sunset, I marveled at its beauty. The scenario got me thinking about an issue a friend had brought up sometime ago. It was a very ticklish matter, one that seems to perplex everyone – even the so-called professionals.
“Are people faithful?” the question replayed itself in my head. I had looked at her for a while then, and gave her a laconic answer; “Maybe, ah I don’t know.”
Now it was not such a child’s play anymore, it was a question that had to have an answer.
I was prompted to put pen to paper because of some recent developments. Developments that I never envisaged, and could not really point a finger at.
Is someone being ‘unfaithful’? Is everyone being ‘unfaithful’? That is the confusion, and even the ‘unfaithful’ that are caught in the act deny it. If their denial holds no water, they back it up with irrational excuses.
The events that unfold with each passing day, and with deceit, cheating and heartbreak everywhere, a person is geared up to deftly take ‘unfaithfulness’ in the face without batting an eyelid when hit with it because they saw it coming. Even this is not enough to stop heartbreak or prevent the affected from feeling dejected after falling prey.
But why should one be ‘unfaithful’? Why deceit? And why cheat?
The human being is like a machine, or rather, a programmed robot with embedded, mature buttons. A push of a button displays a character trait – jealousy, cheating, hatred, love, lost, confidence, rebellion, sympathy, joy, aggression, ego, belief, unbelief, unfaithfulness etc., just to mention a few, are part of these inbuilt buttons.
People are animals. The only thing that differentiates them is massive brain development, the ability to decipher between good and evil; to turn away from, or embrace a situation; to feel emotional pains; and to control our emotions – trigger them or muffle them. But the animalistic nature of humans still lives within them – comes on and goes off. This could be kept in check though.
It only takes a push to evoke or bring to life one or all of these aforementioned character traits.
Now ‘unfaithfulness’ is the topic of focus. Man’s ‘unfaithfulness’ may not have a clear origin, but as far as I know it is as old as man himself.
The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defined ‘unfaithful’ in a brief but concise manner, thus; having a sexual relationship with somebody other than one’s lover; husband etc. According to the thesaurus, synonyms of ‘unfaithful’ are infidelity, deceit, disloyalty, treachery, falseness and treason. And the synonyms of those synonyms are untrustworthiness, fickleness, lying, duplicity, pretense, inconsistency, capriciousness and vacillation. The sub-synonyms of those are changeability, deviousness, fraudulence, unreliability, undependability, uncertainty, insincerity, untruthfulness, double-dealing, make-believe, charade, contradiction, whimsicality, frivolity, irresponsibility, volatility, indecision, fluctuation and ambivalence.
When a loved one cheats, he or she is guilty of all of the above. And should be lynched or guillotined, if I am permitted to use those literal terms.
‘Unfaithfulness’ deals a devastating blow to the partner. They feel crushed, betrayed, like a part of them has been ripped out. They will be very angry or sad, or even both. It is not only because their partner wanted and had sex with someone else, and also had the ultimate expression of love with the other person, but because they lied, murdering the partner in their conscience with little regard for their feelings.
This article tends to look at the near causes of unfaithfulness, possible preventative measures and equally possible eradication processes. It is just an attempt, not a proven and/or certified cure to a disease that is not caused by a virus or a parasite, yet a much deadlier culprit.
Causes of ‘unfaithfulness’ could vary from individual to individual; but from the writer’s perspective, this damaging and provocative attitude could arise from the following...
In a long-term relationship, it could be easy for partners to start taking each other for granted, and this could lead to ‘unfaithfulness’, as either one or both of the pair would want to experience what it is like to get involved with a different folk. He/she could think they are being imprisoned by their partner and would be desperate to break free of their choking grip. The catalyst in this case is boredom, which could be compounded by unnecessary irrationality, dished out by the unsatisfied partner.
The feeling that someone sticks to them like a leech; monitors their private lives; and tells them what is best for the relationship galls them and prompts them to be unfaithful by seeking refuge in the arms of another woman/women, or man/ men, as the case maybe.
Lack of dialogue is another relationship killer. Some partners do not have the time to sit down and have a hearty chat; they are either preoccupied with their work, feel it is unnecessary, or are constantly “making out”, even when it is not the right time. ‘Action speaks louder than words’, but in this case the reverse does the magic.
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Writer Profile
kevin M
I am a Nigerian and an avid reader who also take great pleasure in putting pen on paper. I believe that with the right expression of words written with my pen people could change for the better and correct or curb some ills eating deep into our system of government or life in general. Poverty and corruption have always been Africa's most dreaded diseases and Nigeria is no exception. I write fiction and non-fiction and also write articles on any subject, especially that concerning the well-being of the poor masses. I wish to be an acclaimed writer and author and a motivational speaker
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