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Sex is subsidiary to love. Some people think that when they engage in it with their partners, they are really binding the relationship, but that is incorrect. Sex is borne out of the urge to satisfy the flesh more than it is borne out of love. One could constantly make love to a person of the opposite sex without really loving them, or making them feel loved. Dialogue includes telling a partner how much you love them; where you place them in your preference of women or men; the joy they have brought in your life; the vacuum they had filled so fittingly, etc.
You could also talk about their dreams, aspirations, encourage them, presenting yourself as a pillar of support, and let them confide in you and you in them. Adults are like children in the sense that they like to be cuddled, spoken softly to, praised and loved, irrespective of their gender. Some schools of thought think only the female craves for such attention, but this is far from the truth; the male gender equally feels the same way.
If and when this remarkable aspect of relationship bonding is neglected and not utilized, it gradually breaks the partners apart. One or both of them will feel unloved, unwanted, not cherished, neglected, unimportant, and subdued, and will even feel as if they have lost their allure.
‘Unfaithfulness’ seems to be the only answer, as they tend to get back those sweet moments they have lost, or better, still seek for someone who could tell them what they want to hear and make them feel loved.
Intimacy, passion, excitement and adventure are other ingredients in the recipe of a lasting relationship. In a relationship were all these are missing, the ugly face of ‘unfaithfulness’ will definitely reveal itself. If one or both of the partners finds out that the relationship lacks intimacy, they could conclude that their partner is tired of them. A relationship lacking passion, excitement and adventure, eventually crashes like a pack of cards. One or both of the partners could seek solace and try to recapture these missing bits in another person, thereby committing infidelity.
In our society, where more than half of our nation’s populations are schlepping under the cumbersome weight of poverty, material needs could force a partner to become unfaithful. This usually affects the females, since they rely on the male partner to provide financially; however, this does not completely exempt the male gender.
‘Money is the root of all evil’, they say, and in this case it could be the root of infidelity as well. Like the evil it is, it grips the relationship by the scruff of its neck and forces one or both of the partners to damn every consequence and go after someone more financially capable.
This is a major hiccup and threat to a lasting relationship. People discard their sense of humour, their ego, their self-esteem, their pride and their personality for the money, thereby unleashing an animalistic habit. They hush their conscience.
When I talk of money as being an infidelity stimulant, I do not generalize it on only physical cash. It also includes other things that could bring wealth, power or fame. Immediate want of favour is also included. Good demeanor is hibernated. Love of money in this case overtakes good judgment.
Infidelity can also be caused by an intruding ex-lover, who had been in one of the partners' lives. Old fires could be rekindled, and old fires do not take time to ignite because the intimacy between them has already taken root. This could be made worse if the old lover’s break up was not caused by any fracas.
Past emotional moments could be relived and the playback serves a tricky role in loosening the defensive guard of a partner who is under this pressure. The partner in question could find himself/herself attached to this old lover until the urge to repeat past experiences sticks in their head and refuses to go away.
If the ex-lover is desperate, he or she could keep harping on about what they had shared together in the past, setting the flesh of the victim on fire until the urge paves way to sheer animalistic desire. Then ‘unfaithfulness’ is reborn. It may even become a constant practice as the person becomes obsessed with the interloper of an ex-lover.
The person’s present lover may or may not find out about the illicit transaction of passion between his/her lover with an ex-lover, but this does not make any difference, since the transgression has been committed.
Distance – this always presents an unnecessary and lame excuse for ‘unfaithfulness’ to take the centre stage. With the lovers far apart, the feeling of loneliness gradually wraps its cold arms around one or both partners.
When the feeling of disparity engulfs one partner or both, the end product is always ‘infidelity’. They could feel very lonely and long for the company of the opposite sex. Libido could start rising, making it difficult for the one in desperate need of his/her partner, who is miles away, to stay aloof from jumping onto another’s bed.
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Writer Profile
kevin M
I am a Nigerian and an avid reader who also take great pleasure in putting pen on paper. I believe that with the right expression of words written with my pen people could change for the better and correct or curb some ills eating deep into our system of government or life in general. Poverty and corruption have always been Africa's most dreaded diseases and Nigeria is no exception. I write fiction and non-fiction and also write articles on any subject, especially that concerning the well-being of the poor masses. I wish to be an acclaimed writer and author and a motivational speaker
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