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The eating disordered world is one in which food has become the main focus.
Eating disorders are called eating disorders because of the apparent prominent difficulty with eating food. The relationship between the individual and food has become extremely complicated compared to the individual who has a basic relationship to their food. Food becomes a way to work out one's frustrations, emotions, and desires.
Eating disorders are in fact stress mechanisms, an outlet for all of their emotional energy. However eating disorders are not ABOUT food. They are ABOUT a deeper pain, and they alleviate that pain through their relationship with food.
Psychotherapist Joanna Poppink says that the number one reason for developing an eating disorder is because of a boundary invasion on every level. An eating disordered person usually has an event in their lives where they had no control or way to stop, protest or even acknowledge such an invasion. They experience helplessness, despair, and a feeling of worthlessness. They can be violated physically, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and sexually. But it is this boundary invasion that causes a loss of knowing how to protect one's self and how to take care of one's self.
People with eating disorders are often passive aggressive and do not know how to defend themselves correctly. They are people-pleasers and perfectionists. They ache for love, support, and acceptance. It is very common that they try to live up to some ideal image, usually they are living out somebody else's expectations rather than there own. And that is where they get these feelings inadequacy, sadness, anger, self-dislike, and depression.
Food offers solace. To the anorexic she can reassure herself that she has control by not eating at all, she can be the ultimate of self-restriction. She strongly clings to this control feeling that she gets from it, she thinks it is the only way she will ever feel good about herself. She does not feel like a deserving person, she feels as though she is not worthy of feeding herself, feeding her life. Anorexics measure and calculate their worthiness.
The bulimic is conflicted between indulgence and restriction. Bingeing represents trying to "fill up" because life feels empty, and purging represents trying to rid one's self of bad things inside. They have no idea how to find balance in their lives. The bulimic is very secretive although you might not know it, they hide their feelings all of the time. Bulimics are also horribly self-critical. Overeaters (Binge Eating Disorder) eat to cover up the pain; they eat to protect themselves. They try to push down all of the feelings with the food that they eat, and they do not stop until they can reach some level of satisfaction. Of course they feel horrible after it is all over, they feel like a bad person.
Overeaters feel empty inside, like something is missing. Overeaters, like bulimics and anorexics, are most often people-pleasers, who give and give of themselves so much that they feel terribly alone and sad inside. Eating disordered people need to learn that it is "OKAY" to feel, and that they are entitled to their feelings regardless of how they "SHOULD" feel. You know, you will hear all kinds of people with eating disorders say that they wear a mask, they do not express their true selves, they are very afraid of being vulnerable.
You have to know that eating disordered people are very sensitive people, and they are very concerned with what other people think. A person with an eating disorder wants so much to be liked, told they are a good person, a beautiful person, and a talented person. They do not show their feelings or their inner self, they live in fear of being rejected. There is a strong need for security. People wonder sometimes why a person with an eating disorder can't just stop. Why? Because their eating disorder is there for them, they have an eating disorder because it serves a purpose. Their eating disorder offers them security, emotional release, purpose and meaning. It seems to offer them the very things that they were denied.
Obviously in the long-term an eating disorder does not really give you all these things. The eating disorder tells you that after you lose 10 pounds you shall be deserving. Then it tells you that you have to be a size 8, then a size 6, and you will never measure up. Or maybe it tells you that you can have all the food you want and still not gain a pound, that you can have everything you want without being restricted by it. How? By sticking your head in the toilet. And it keeps on telling you that you've got to throw up otherwise you shall be punished. Or maybe it tells you to eat that cookie, and another cookie, until you've eaten the whole bag. Then it tells you how horrible you are for overeating, being so lazy and indulgent, and you believe. Eating disordered people don't know where the balance is between give and take, and the voice in their head only confuses them more. They so desperately want to find the middle, but it always eludes them.
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Joanna Frizzell
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