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3. Appreciating myself: One thing I have learnt is to appreciate myself and the role I play in the society especially in my family. I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a neighbour, name them. Though I don't have direct responsibility towards most of these people but most of them cherish so much my being alive. Worrying so much about my health will tear and wear me so fast. This will be letting down those I love and they too love me. Cheering up adds flavour to my life, this flavour adds a minute or so to my life. When I went to the doctor with the same problem the second time, he asked me if I was worried about the problem. My answer was, "I don't want to die so soon, many people still need me."
4. No regrets - I don't blame myself: Whenever I pray, I ask God for forgiveness for any wrong doings. I don't blame myself for anything. If there is anything wrong I did to cause all these problems, I have asked God to forgive me. Yes, I might have caused or contributed in a way to these health problems, but now that it has happened, do I have time to blame myself? Or will self-blame heal me? For AIDS victims, one might have been sexually careless, but remember, it has happened and you are now infected, ask God to forgive you and continue living. Spare the strength of meditation and blaming yourself for a better project like teaching others about the disease.
5. Accepting the truth, no pretence: It is not easy to accept you are sick and the disease involved has no cure. It is with a big heart that one has to accept this. Like for my case, I have accepted I am sick although the real disease is not clear. But with a major operation after another one round the neck is a disease in itself. Once you accept you are sick then it will be very easy to talk it out with friends, relatives and doctors. It is not stranger to hear that a patient hides her disease from a doctor. This is out of self-blame. You think the doctor will see you immoral if you told him the history of you sickness. This I know is the beginning of doom.
6. Hope: I have always lived with hope not only at this time when I am sick but I have always hoped for a better tomorrow. I can't imagine killing myself today because I am HIV positive and tomorrow a vaccine and drug is found!
7. Interest - Learning about the disease: Since the first time I was suspected to have cancer, I have never shied away from the disease. This is a disease I had merely heard of but never bothered to know about its symptoms. When my first cytology results came out, I looked up in the dictionary for the meaning of cancer. With frequent visits in the ENT clinic and the pharmacy counters, I have learnt so much about cancer and possible control of the disease if discovered at an early stage.
Many will wonder why I talk as though I am already sick yet I have not received the final results. Remember, I am sick with swellings at the left side of my neck. Twice in a year, I have undergone major surgeries at the same spot. Keep in mind, I have twice been suspected for having cancer. Yes, I pray for the best, but I have to prepare for the worst too. Nothing should take me in surprise. This is a way of preparing myself, and when the hammer comes, it will not hit the hardest.
All in all, for those with diseases without cure, give yourself heart, pray to God and he will see you through. But remember, you are the best doctor to your conscience. A healthy conscience will keep you strong for many days.
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Beatrice M Vuhugwa
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Comments
Great Article Ivy Zhang | Nov 5th, 2003
I agree with you Beatrice. Many people get diagnosed with cancer and they think its the end of the world, but you just proved them wrong. You got diagnosed with cancer and you're not going all weird and shuting yourself up in your room thinking your going to die any minute.Its not people's fault they get diagnosed with cancer if it was in their genes or whatever. You should just accept that bump over your road thats coming to you, and have hope that you might get over that bump someday and ride on with your life. I admire your courage about geting cancer. If it was me, I would be very upset and annoyed with myseld thinking why I got it, why this is happening to me but you just explained that geting cancer isn't such a bad thing and you can live one with it without lots of negatives.Overall I think it's a great article.
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