When you wake up every other morning, the heart pumping well, in motion and with your sweet speech, please don't take it for granted. How many tens of thousands round the world goes breathless every other minute?
Count yourself lucky if you have never had serious health problems and don't take anything for granted. It is not by chance that you are healthy but by God's grace. Have you ever asked yourself, "What responsibility do I have over my health?" Remember, you have the greatest responsibility over your health. This responsibility is to be extended to those near and far from you. What are you doing to assist your doctor and those who love you to assist you maintain your good health? It takes less than a second and at times a very expensive habit to ruin a good health but costs nothing to abstain from poor habits that pause danger to your good health.
I have never enjoyed good health ever since I was born more than 35 years ago. But this has never stopped me from living my full life. My mother repeatedly told me that I gave her a hard time when I was a baby. Though she said this out of a clean heart, this made me feel guilty. As a result, I always shied away when I felt sick. I did not want to give my poor mother who was just like a single mother any more hard times. To date, I have some health problems that were carried forward from my childhood, problems that would have been taken care of if I had brought them in the open.
My health problems have ranged from toothache, nose-block, nosebleed, chest and limb pain (from a road accident). The latest has been mass swellings on the left side of my neck. I underwent an operation to remove the mass last year. Hardly a year later, the swellings came back in multiple. As I write, I have just undergone another operation. But this time, not everything was removed. One of the swellings is directly growing on one of the veins that take blood to the brain. Tampering with it can result to bleeding to death. You hear me explain this to friends and relatives; you would think I graduated a few weeks ago from the best school of medicine in the world! What then?
There is nothing as scary as like knocking on a doctor's door to get test results of a disease that is believed to have no cure. But should we stop living because we are scared of test results of cancer, leprosy, AIDS, name them? As I write, I am waiting for yet another histology test. Once again, I am suspected to be cancerous. Last year, results were cancer negative, yet I now have multiple swelling at the same spot where a mass was excised. I can't remember anybody in my family having such a problem. I have never smoked in my whole life. I have tested a glass or so of alcohol but never found it sweet the way many had expressed to me. I am dark-skinned, and there no one time I have ever tried to bleach myself using chemicals. Then, where has this cancer suspicion madness come from? Now that the suspicion is there, do I have time to blame myself?
Despite all the medical suspicion, the good thing that I can tell the world is, I still go big and high with all my dreams of one day becoming a famous writer still blossoming even with all these tests for cancer. One will ask, "Doesn't she know that cancer has no cure?" Yes I know, but so what? "She should focus her mind on the disease!" Remember, I too know that cowards die many times before the real death and if anything, my days are numbered and I have to live the remaining to the maximum. A smile on my face is a dose of its own. The secret of walking with my head high lies in:
1. God: I am a Christian and live on God's promise to man. 1John 5:14-15 says: This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of him?E I have asked God for healing and I know he will grant it to me.
2. Accepting reality, sharing and talking about it: I don't have to keep my problems to myself and ponder about them when I go to bed or when I get the slightest opportunity. I know the disease is a big burden to me and I have to share it out by talking about it with relatives, friends and doctors. This has made those close to me and myself take the problem as a usual thing not a punishment from God for my bad deeds. At times it is hard when somebody you know dies of a similar disease to yours. How about when you hear through the media that the wife of your finance minister has just died of the same disease? What will come to your mind is; if with all that money they could not control the disease, who I am to survive without even a job? Remember you are an individual and not even identical twins share fingerprints. We are never the same.
Many will tell me that cancer is a more decent disease to discuss with friends than AIDS. I hear people say that so-and-so died a painful death. I have always asked myself, Is there sweet death and bitter death? Thank God I have never once died to experience this but I believe, death is all the same no matter which style, the formula is the same; the heart stops pumping. It is not necessarily you laugh and talk loud about your disease but never hide it, share your problem with those close to you. But never share it out by infecting others. Apart from being a sin, it will add you more infections contrary to beliefs that you will be reducing the viruses.
3. Appreciating myself: One thing I have learnt is to appreciate myself and the role I play in the society especially in my family. I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a neighbour, name them. Though I don't have direct responsibility towards most of these people but most of them cherish so much my being alive. Worrying so much about my health will tear and wear me so fast. This will be letting down those I love and they too love me. Cheering up adds flavour to my life, this flavour adds a minute or so to my life. When I went to the doctor with the same problem the second time, he asked me if I was worried about the problem. My answer was, "I don't want to die so soon, many people still need me."
4. No regrets - I don't blame myself: Whenever I pray, I ask God for forgiveness for any wrong doings. I don't blame myself for anything. If there is anything wrong I did to cause all these problems, I have asked God to forgive me. Yes, I might have caused or contributed in a way to these health problems, but now that it has happened, do I have time to blame myself? Or will self-blame heal me? For AIDS victims, one might have been sexually careless, but remember, it has happened and you are now infected, ask God to forgive you and continue living. Spare the strength of meditation and blaming yourself for a better project like teaching others about the disease.
5. Accepting the truth, no pretence: It is not easy to accept you are sick and the disease involved has no cure. It is with a big heart that one has to accept this. Like for my case, I have accepted I am sick although the real disease is not clear. But with a major operation after another one round the neck is a disease in itself. Once you accept you are sick then it will be very easy to talk it out with friends, relatives and doctors. It is not stranger to hear that a patient hides her disease from a doctor. This is out of self-blame. You think the doctor will see you immoral if you told him the history of you sickness. This I know is the beginning of doom.
6. Hope: I have always lived with hope not only at this time when I am sick but I have always hoped for a better tomorrow. I can't imagine killing myself today because I am HIV positive and tomorrow a vaccine and drug is found!
7. Interest - Learning about the disease: Since the first time I was suspected to have cancer, I have never shied away from the disease. This is a disease I had merely heard of but never bothered to know about its symptoms. When my first cytology results came out, I looked up in the dictionary for the meaning of cancer. With frequent visits in the ENT clinic and the pharmacy counters, I have learnt so much about cancer and possible control of the disease if discovered at an early stage.
Many will wonder why I talk as though I am already sick yet I have not received the final results. Remember, I am sick with swellings at the left side of my neck. Twice in a year, I have undergone major surgeries at the same spot. Keep in mind, I have twice been suspected for having cancer. Yes, I pray for the best, but I have to prepare for the worst too. Nothing should take me in surprise. This is a way of preparing myself, and when the hammer comes, it will not hit the hardest.
All in all, for those with diseases without cure, give yourself heart, pray to God and he will see you through. But remember, you are the best doctor to your conscience. A healthy conscience will keep you strong for many days.
« return.