In the short time that we knew each other, Christine was an exceptional, witty and charismatic person. Her principled stands in life always showed what was missing in most of today's human family. To me, I should confess, she was a source of inspiration and a fountain of hope. I viewed her as the best thing that ever happened to me. Her radiance provided my life with warmth and sustenance, literally. At times I believed that she was the flower that never dies and she bloomed in the garden of my heart.
Christine was an epitome of diligence, beauty, discipline and excellence. Always taciturn when things went awry and exquisitively shared a few words to say no matter the provocation. Whenever I needed comfort and a shoulder to lean on, I did not need to look any further. She seemed to have this inner elucidation to solving every predicament that befell me. Her easy courteous manner, very confident posture, smart efficiency and remarkable memory, made her a natural trouble-shooter.
I specifically liked her easy manner of existing; all the time she told me how she liked associating herself with the less fortunate and children. She had a positive sense of spiritual adjustment that made her never shy away even in the face of adversity. Most times when I was down, she would confidently encourage me to face it with eyes wide open. I recall when I was an intern and my supervisor was frustrating my new ideas into the firm I was working for, it went to the point that I made up my mind to call it quits. When I told Christine, she, as usual, looked composed and told me to face the problem and not run away from it. Running from a problem, she advised, was showing how weak a person was. I followed her words and after talking diplomatically to my supervisor, he started respecting my ideas without prejudice. All this was due to Christine’s kind of charm and advice that revitalised out of every set of circumstance. Words cannot express my own understanding of Christine.
We cared for each other but in every sense, she cared for me greatly. While I was trying to live and show her how to live, she was busy telling me how to live and not to assume that I was making a life but being a part of life. Her strong sense of motivation always gave me a reason to go one more step ahead. She was unique and comprehensible in every aspect and her life was blessed in a class of her own. In real life, Christine was a pillar that I could cling onto in the turbulence of the tides; she was the most unshakable person I knew in all my life. Every challenge in my life fell on her soothing hands and more often, my tears fell on her cheeks. She would read me like a book and long before I poured my plights she already had the answer. When I won, she was amongst the first people to give me an accolade and soothe my feelings whenever I lost. When we became intimate, we would spend hours joking about nothing in particular, and at the end of the day, I would feel like we had spent a whole millennium. Saturday nights were a time for refreshing. We would go on dates, watch the just-released movies and exchange pleasantries. I would look forward to this time because my mind would move away from the tough college responsibilities.
The most striking thing about her was how she made up for lost glories. She ensured that I got a surprise out of her own intricate initiatives on issues such as my birthday. Above all, she struggled tirelessly to present a more palatable receipt on the insatiable menu of life. She held my hand even when she was exhausted; she would wipe my sweat and told me not to worry about death, since life is not permanent. I did not understand why she mentioned death yet I feared it. Her elegance, dignity and a high level of flexibility won her a lot of attention from friends and foes alike. Despite all that, I loved her greatly as a person who shall be reciprocated by my love for respecting me. We were inseparable. Our lives were intertwined in an admirable network of selflessness. I trusted her to wipe away my tears and to firmly anchor my ship when the ocean became unbearable. I did not see any reason to believe that there was anything wrong with her. An old mantra says that all that glitters is not gold. And I think it was overlooked. It should have been paraphrased as all that glitters is a virtue and not a choice.
Anne Roiphe, a writer who pursues the battle of the sexes with anti-male slogans, says most people have at a time or another been fouled up by their past patterns which tended to sink into the unconsciousness only to reappear disguised, unseen, like marionette strings, pulling this or that way. Whatever ails – keeping them awake tossing and turning all night – cannot remake unconsciousness or reshape their future, without acknowledging and shedding all the necessary and ugly skin of the past. This particular girl was indeed someone who would let you shed away ugly scales of the past, her style devoid of making you feel inferior.
The first Monday of August came, and as usual we walked around the neighbourhood and met friends. We charted all the way back and parted in the evening. This day was not like any other, given that unknown to me it was the last day I would spend with her as my friend. Her golden hour had come as the sun was looking on the earth with a big thud of anger. If things had been what I thought they would be, this day would not have come at all. For all the time that I had spent my time with her, she laughed and joked about; recoiling the shadows of an unknown eternity. I had been used to such episodes, but this day was not so bright. Had it not been that she was my strength I would have wept.
Tuesday came and I woke up earlier than usual because it was setting an important part of my life – meeting Christine. I looked forward to her sweet smiles. I went to her home and found an unusual agitated crowd. I later learnt that she was no longer with us…the clouds had snatched her away. She went away with much about me, and I, little about her. Our knowing each other was not enough.
I forced myself to believe that she was gone for a short while and would be coming back soon. Ten minutes later, she had not appeared at all. I wished it was just a bad dream. But it was not so, she was gone. I had to grapple with the reality of that loss. Yes, she was gone. I squeezed my eyes but they were already dry. Was she really gone? In my second futile attempt to weep, I realized that I had no more tears left. I looked up in the skies and sobbed, "Why me God?"
Christine was a person who was reserved and knew where to step. I did not know whether she thought I was inconsiderate and a burden. She was slowly dying and suffering from cancer. She had made me realize know how desperate it is to live the last moments. While in the college, she spent a lot of her time investing and saving for her future unaware that her life would be trimmed in the bud at the moment she was about to commence her indefinite sojourn.
As we were in 'deep thought therapy' reflecting our past, she had at one time told me, "If I my life comes to an abrupt end without putting the less fortunate in my heart, I would die a saddened and jailed person, even in death." Then she continued, "I have only one life and I think I have lived the best that I could. How I wish I could change time! Many a time, my instinct would yell at me for not taking more time to avoid living a life dictated by the modern teachings which advocate for humans to mistrust each other and not live their own life as they should."
Looking at her talking, I could not understand whether she considered her life a waste or an accomplishment, yet to me, she looked as though she had already made a big leap in her life and the right choice. She had already prepared something inside her heart but could not fully make it as her life was coming to an end.
Yes, she was gone…gone with a part of my heart and it’s too late for tears. How unfair is death! It only goes for the unripe fruits leaving the ripe ones to flourish. How clever is it? This has transformed me into believing that there are those who are born luckier than others but still go through the same predicaments: pain and suffering then death.
Christine passed away on Monday night having accomplished most things in life. Wherever she is, she always beckons me, and her angelic voice reminds me of how we tend to take the present moment for granted and live a life of torture as we try to put sense into our future, and almost either ignorantly or innocently forget our present lives. It is not always wise to wait and sit as today goes to sleep while waiting for tomorrow when we cannot account for the day that was.
Since our future is so uncertain, we have to be concerned that we cannot afford to be so precise at the expense of today. Although it is important to be punctual we should not worry a great deal especially if we cannot confront our tomorrow.
Christine’s passing left a mark in my heart that would never be erased. I wonder how many of us do take their time to do things which are important and live once a day!
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