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Losing a loved one is always a difficult aspect of life, especially when the person in question was a member of immediate family, or someone you lived with. Just recently losing my mother, I have encountered a whole new world previously unseen by the outside eye. Before this experience, I found myself at a loss of words for those going through grief.
Some people are naturally good at counseling friends and family through this, others are not. A friend of mine who has also lost a parent was explaining this to me, remarking that even those who stand quietly and without eye contact offer support, even if they cannot show it in a visible way.
Going back to school after a week of absence, due to funeral preparation, etc., was like a guessing game. With every corner I turned, and every classroom I entered, my mind would automatically register any and all sympathetic looks, or obvious avoidances of eye contact to try and scale who knew and who didn’t. Usually, I discourage any and all unnecessary forms of gossip; however, this case was different. Every repeat of your words of sorrow over and over to acquaintances, coworkers, and friends is another grain of salt rubbed into your wound.
I suppose for some people, this action can bring a certain amount of closure. Yet for me, I found it difficult to muster the strength to tell people when or how. Due to this, a great number of my classmates will probably find out about my mother through this article. The strangest thing about this entire ordeal, I found, was my irritation with apologies. It’s a double edged sword, really. I get frustrated whenever people try to tell me they’re sorry for my loss, yet become angry if the commonality is not expressed in any form.
I deeply appreciate the gesture of having a support net, but these words appall me in that the overuse of them in society has caused all sincerity to naturally evaporate when forming the saying on one’s lips. On the other hand, the lack thereof almost shows a general disrespect or disregard during such a chaotic and troubling time. Essentially, I think those going through the grieving process will always have an invisible barrier between themselves and those who have yet to encounter this inevitability of life. For truly empathizing with something so emotionally complicated such as this, requires that first hand experience.
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Kelsey
Writing has always been my backbone, especially now as I work my way through my mother's unexpected death. Music is a large influence in my lifestyle, as is classical literature. I'll be graduating from high school in the spring of 2007, so college plans are basically consuming all of my free time right now. At school, I'm an editor for my newspaper and yearbook, as well as involved in National Honors Society, Key Club, and am starting a global awareness club. Outside sources of writing for me include a bi-monthly column for the Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News, and published poetry through the International Library of Poetry and Noble House Publishing.
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