Through personal experience, I have come to discover that many students tend to shy away and pretend that everything is ok. Yes, it is natural to feel stressed and bothered but it is also perfectly normal to ask for help when it is needed.
I was one of these students, a hard working individual who always strived to succeed but at the same time who also made every effort to please everyone around her. I have come to realize that achievement is the effort an individual exerts to learn from his/her mistakes and to accomplish his/her goals. Success, along with other reasons, is the desire to acquire your family, professors and friends' acceptance.
Yes, we have all heard of parental, peer and self pressure but how often do we realize that these demands have a huge impact on our daily activities and most importantly on our decisions.
I have always suffered from serve anxiety attacks as a teenager and to a slighter level as university student and as a daughter, sister and a friend.
It was very difficult for me to lead my own life and make choices. Risk taking hardly marked any of my experiences. On the surface, I looked like a confident individual with a strong character but deep inside me I was killing my spirit with childish worries. It is only recently that I have discovered the driving force behind my fears.
A professor at the university took my hands and encouraged me to seek the counselor's help and to that mentor I say thank you. My first step to the student counselor's office at the university was the first time that I admitted that I have a problem.
School environment
I was born and raised in Dubai, UAE. As an expatriate from Palestine I had the problem of figuring out where to belong. I was placed in a school that was composed of 90% local students with the remainder from different nationalities.
I faced the brutality of discrimination and being an outcast. No one ever explained to me why I was always left alone in any physical or academic activities in school; or for that matter, being chased with ruthless nicknames by my classmates. I recall spending an entire academic year with no one liking to sit next to me or even play with me. I used to blame myself for what they did to me, more specifically; I associated the name calling to who I am. Yes, for a long time, I saw myself as ugly, fat, and stupid.
I don’t harbor any hard feelings for any of my classmates, for many of them later on became my friends. However, it is only later in my adolescent years that I have realized that I gave my classmates the power to drug my soul with their remarks.
Family
I was and still am blessed for being surrounded by a loving family and friends. But as we all know, you can't always get the whole package. Growing up with a tensioned and controlling father has left me reluctant to feel confident about myself or to feel free and proud with whom I am.
My father has always tried to impose his ideas and thoughts into my life. To him, his way is the right way and my way is always the wrong way. No matter how much I tried to prove my potentials and challenge his authority I was always left with an emotionally charged lecture of my disobedience.
My mother, on the other hand, has always tried to replace his criticism with her endless kindness and tenderness. Unfortunately, her extreme kindness out reached many people and I have missed her presence in my life. My mother tries to please every single person in her life and never declines a request. I hope I don’t sound selfish, but I believe a priority list should be ordered. As the saying goes, "Charity starts at home."
Repercussions
I viewed every project, assignment and final in university as an obstacle I couldn’t achieve even though I have been successful in many situations and have received great results in my courses. Nevertheless, the scenario was repeated with every task. The reoccurrence of these anxiety attacks has left me strangled and in many cases lonely.
As a result, I have reached the stage where I couldn't tolerate my weaknesses and I needed someone to put an end to my anxiety attacks. Anyone with a similar experience will most certainly know the impact of anxiety on one's health but most importantly on your loved ones. I gave my parents a lot of hard times, especially my mother. May god reward her for her endless patience!
I know we all have our difficulties and obstacles in our own confined lives but the question is: how are we dealing or managing these restrains? If I were to be asked to change one thing in my past I would absolutely say "I don’t want anything to be changed." I believe, from my religion (Islam), that everything happens for a reason. Things could have been worse or it could have been better, who knows. Nevertheless, through the guidance of my religious values, the counselor and the many inspirational people I worked with; I have learned to look at the bright side of nearly everything. Looking at the big picture, these individual experiences have taught me the art of achievement, independence, and self discovery.
Healing process
The counseling center has taught me the basic elements that I needed to draw and design the sketches of my life. I was confronted by my counselor with the reasons behind my lack of confidence and he has provided me with countless explanations why I always longed for perfection and others' acceptance.
I am also learning through the counseling center how to take lead of my life and not to let others control me by their judgments. More importantly, I am trying to dissociate my academic grades from who I am. For instance, I always saw myself as a smart person when I got an A but a stupid one pretty much all the time.
I was instructed to make a priority list with health being the most important element. And that internal happiness is always in my control. Our perception and interpretation of various situations will determine our level of happiness.
Note, I don’t promise that one will find the solution to all his/her concerns but I can guarantee (with the guidance of Allah) that seeking an expert's advice will show him/her a way to handle problems.
To achieve great results in the counseling center, one has to admit that there is a problem. Secondly, the promise of commitment, it takes tremendous amount of effort to work on healing some damaged scars and to build a new environment where one can nourish his/her potentials. Thirdly, one should try to possess the strength to accept changes, criticism and most importantly to put faith in the program. Finally, it is important to realize the importance of building a support system; be it a book, friend, professor or parents.
I am a senior student now and it has been a year since I am seeking a counselor's guidance and will always be in search of support when it is required. I still face minor anxiety attacks and reoccurring decline in self confidence but I still have the foundations to help me rise again. I am no longer ashamed or scared of the factors that have lead to the aforementioned situation because I know that I have unconsciously allowed these conditions to affect me. Now that I am conscious and aware, I am proud to say that I am doing something about it.
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