Its 4am and I can’t sleep.
In this one night, I can’t recall how many times I have woken up assuming that it’s the break of dawn.
Am I expecting anything great today? No.
Actually the day brings its own sorrows such a kind as those of the night.
If I had an option, I would sleep; sleep eternally such that I don’t have to face the heart ache accompanying daylight.
The night, like the day; it brings nightmares that make me wish that I never fall back to sleep.
Both night and day have gone against me, taunting me with memories of you, jeering at me for the love that I have lost.
What I learnt from you I will never forget:
You offered your best and I settled for the less.
You hoped for a better day, but I coped with the latter day.
You learnt to understand, I grew to misunderstand.
Days came when you glowed with joy, such days my heart grew to annoy.
You learnt to offset your mistakes, but it was you that I upset with my outbreaks.
You had the hope that we will cope; with all the dope, to that I said nope.
You lived for the day that I would need you; I lived for the day when you were to learn that I would never need you.
My burdens you wished I would share; your burdens I wished you would bear.
My shoulder you hoped to cry on, my shoulders I shrugged and hoped to move on.
Kisses full of affection you desired; kisses full of rejection I unwired.
You looked to the day when I would sit down and listen; I looked to the day when your packing you would hasten.
The day you left you wished never happened; our relationship I wished never happened.
On that day you asked: Why? Why? Why? On that day I sung happy, happy, joy, joy!
Days passed and you still wanted to give it a second chance. Days passed and with pride, another try faded with each glance.
You are gone; Oh my God am on my own.
The day I realized you were gone; the day you wondered why you held on.
The day I realized how much you tried; the day you wished you never cried.
The night I wished you were by my side; the night you wished your pain you didn’t hide.
I wished I would turn back the hands of time; you hoped you would never turn back the hands of time.
I regretted the days I didn’t treat you better; you regretted the days you hoped for anything better.
I looked at the many wasted opportunities I had to change; you laugh at the many wasted opportunities you had to revenge.
I regret the many times that I withheld the truth; you regret the many times you told the truth.
I sit down and wonder why I didn’t trust you; you beat yourself up and wonder what made you trust me.
I question how fun those diners with your family would have been had I come; you question why you missed out on the fun just wishing that I had come.
I remember how you would clean up my messy room; you wonder why you did it all when you knew we were headed for doom.
I sit down and adore your smile in the photos; you sit down and abhor your fake smiles in the photos.
I am always impressed with your beauty, it pleased me; you are always depressed by why you thought it was you duty to please me.
I miss the way danced, the way you shook like a belly dancer when with me; you laugh at the way I danced and wish you never listened to ‘belly dancer’ coz it reminded you of me.
I miss those lips and wished I could kiss them with passion; you wished you never tried to kiss me with so much passion.
I have come to realize that am dead without you; you have come to realize that its time to move on instead without me.
I was wrong; Instead of you, I cared more about the throng.
Can you hear me out?
To each story, there are two sides. You were right and I was wrong.
For a day to be whole; there must be day and night. For me to be whole; there must be me and you. Right now, am incomplete.
The sky needs both the sun and the moon to be defined. My life needs both you and me to be defined.
Good needs evil to be distinguished. Your goodness made me realize the evil in me.
Darkness defines light. You define me.
Failure makes success known. My shortcomings have been made known by your completeness.
Something right is something wrong corrected. I can not be right unless you correct me.
To know is to experience. I didn’t know the pain I had caused you ‘till I experienced it through losing you.
For there to be right, there must be wrong and not two wrongs.
All along you were right, through that I have learnt that I was wrong. I only hope that you have remained the same because two wrongs can’t make a right.
You can only rise if you have fallen. Through losing you, I have fallen; all that I held strong has collapsed on me. I can’t rise unless you are by my side. Am sorry I had to learn it the hard way.
You can only change if you have learnt. Through all this, I have learnt and trust me when I say that I have changed.
They say that it is wise for a man to make a mistake but t is foolish for a man to repeat a mistake. I don’t want to be a foolish man; this mistake I have made and not ever willing to repeat.
Another chance is what I ask for; please do not look at this with a glance. I know that this is hard for you to comprehend but I only hope that you will take my hand. I am not giving you my hand, am only hoping that you would take it, by giving I would be allowing conditions to come in, but by hoping that you take it, It will only allowing your will to come in. I base all this in ‘hope’ because there is nothing more I can do about it apart from offering myself at your mercy. You don’t have to accept my offered hand, just know that my offer will always stand, for you are love, the love of my life.
Its 12pm now, I am hitting my last note in Sorry 2004; am writing my last sentence in Sorry 2005.
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