It is society that named me. I am Christopher Del Castillo Bernardo. Christopher means "Christ bearer" while Bernardo means "bear like". Del Castillo means "of the castle". According to some books about names someone with this name can be interpreted as a person who possesses the character of both a Saint or an Angel and a Beast at the same time. Some say that a name has something to do with who I am. I disagree and believe that it is only I that chooses who I will be. Someone used to tell me that I should not complicate things and that I should remember the word "I". The names that I got are not a choice on my part but a choice made by my parents. I have all the power and capacity to change my name and to go beyond my name. I have but one name and that is "I". My given name is just used by my society to put me into a group and to bind me with my relatives.
This "I" is driven by two emotions, anger and love. I feel anger whenever I see imbalance in the system. I am angered when I see people not given an opportunity because their sector is marginalized. Perhaps I am angry because I am a constant client to intimidation. It is my choice to feel intimidated.
I can choose to love life and to love beauty. Love is an emotion that is available to every man. It is a natural phenomenon but unless one notices it then he will not realize how beautiful it is.
Someone always told me to focus on myself. Initially, I found this hard to do because I was used to using the anger that is generated from my surroundings. Although there is nothing to be angry about I find things that can be a source of that anger. Sometimes, I can influence people to mock me, to undermine me so that this anger can grow. I now realized that I have abused this emotion.
What we see right now in our society are people that have suppressed this anger that has subconsciously taken control of them. If you are using anger to create happiness than I think you should rethink why you are doing this.
Anger can be chaotic but if it is inspired by love then that anger can be like an adrenaline rush. When we exercise, we create tensions in our muscles but these should not be all tension. We have to combine tension and relaxation in our exercise for us not to exhaust our body. This is similar to using such emotion for the "I". I should always take control.
I have read of military generals commanding their armies with an angry voice. The men did not follow the general because they were agitated; they followed him because of the love for their country or their kingdom that is within them. Perhaps the best way to command people is to command them without them knowing. We never command people to laugh when we deliver a joke or when happiness is reverberated from us. The positive energy creates a power that is so strong that people just laugh. Another word for this is Charisma. You influence people without showing your force. Such force comes from within and is more powerful than any man made arms.
Love and anger are two emotions that bring with them passion. Can one be angry at the same time that they are happy? I don’t think so but I do feel that one can love at the same time that they feel happy. Therefore it is only when a person is able to feel love that true happiness can be. As I have mentioned happiness in the highest level is realized when it is reverberated by the immediate environment. I believe that the power of love has the capacity to nourish happiness and therefore can bring enlightenment. Isn't the Buddha seen as someone who is continually smiling? I believe that happiness is not manifested when you always laugh but that it exists when you feel love inside.
How do I love? I am used to experiencing anger that is uncontrolled to the point that my immediate environment is influenced by this anger. I was used to creating disorder in the system, using this anger to move me forward. It is only now that I realize that I have abused it. I believe that love coupled with anger is one single emotion of great magnitude. This one single emotion and source of energy comes from "I" and could lend one to focus on the essential and do so with enthusiasm.
Love and anger cannot be separated as they are already both there. One cannot isolate one from the other. The more important thing is to make use of this energy to achieve one’s purpose. We can only find that purpose through God and not from other people. Remember, it is alright to be angry but only for fifteen minutes. Any longer than that and that anger can no longer be controlled. We have to recognize love whenever we want to use anger. For it is through love that we will know our purpose. It is through love that our lives will get meaning.
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