Life is shrouded in mystery. The veracity of this statement is eloquently, though partially, demonstrated in one of the vicissitudes of married life – the problem of childlessness. To say the least, this problem has become a phenomenon, and an increasingly vexing one today, such that it becomes almost difficult to decipher under what context is the universal command: “...increase and multiply” used. It becomes even more so from the African perspective where polygamy, a once highly cherished African value by which the problem of childlessness was to a large extent solved, is thrown overboard with the advent of Christianity.
What, then, is the fate of the childless African couples in a culture where sterility is considered a curse?
In the African setting, the consciousness of childlessness is even heightened and much felt. It is inconceivable to talk of a marriage devoid of children, since this was seen as amounting to a total eclipse of the family and the society. Emphasizing the primacy of procreation in marriage, Jomo Keyatta unfolds that, “the desire to have children is deep rooted in the hearts of both man and woman, and on entering into matrimonial union, they regard procreation of children as their first and most sacred duty.” From the aforementioned statement, a childless marriage appears to be very difficult to maintain.
“Life is fundamental” is one very true saying that I believe in. Too often, we glory in the ephemeral at the expense of the enduring; we forget so soon that the problem of childlessness is just one amongst many other perplexing human and existential problems by which our self-exaltation and self-deification is put to shame. The ability to transmit life and the inability to transmit it are all mysteries to which humans can never give thorough explanations and go forth to demonstrate human tactility in a strange world!
The problem of childlessness for African couples is not the worst of all human problems. Childless couples should be patient; if, however, it becomes absolutely necessary, they should opt for adoption of children. Rather than engage themselves in self-pity, childless African couples should occupy their minds with human development-oriented programmes – they may exercise charitable acts for those in need, and fix their hearts in love for each other. Over and above all, there should be an attitudinal change on the part of the society. The community, within which the childless couple finds themselves, must be educated in such a way that it does not see and treat the childless couples as unfortunate beings, but accept and respect them. When this is done, the childless couple can live a fulfilled life.
Finally, there is no human being on earth who is without a problem. It is the degree of peculiarities and the nature of each of our problems that make the difference. Childless couples should learn to outgrow their problems by living as though they have none, and so avoid burdening themselves further in addition to the already existing burden-laden life. Mutual love by which couples are bonded together must be strong at this point to allow for mutual acceptance of their lot. Adapt yourself to the things about which your lot has been cast, after all, by reason of fact and knowledge, a childless marriage is a marriage indeed!
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