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Is it getting better?
Am I sensing light?
Through darkened shapes, distorted draping
Blocking from my sight:
Every hope of help,
Every dream that drives,
Every answer coming,
That could change and heal my life?
Oh, I've believed in 'better'
And I have clung to hope;
To miracles, answered prayers,
Lifeboats, rescue ropes.
I still believe in miracles,
Know, in fact, that they are true,
But I've believed so long,
That holding on gets hard to do.
So, help me God. Please ease the pain.
I hurt in ways I never knew;
Ways that stop my very breath,
And mock me when I pray to you.
Ways that take my sanity,
My reason, and my sense,
Until my very will to live,
Is trampled by their strength.
Restore my soul. Bring peace to me.
Rebuild me in strong faith.
Take my hands in yours and hold them forth
That they might take
The hand's of those who've been there,
And those who still remain.
To pull them from that dark, dark place,
And spare them further pain.
I've suffered - now use it,
Then it's not been in vain.
And all that man has thought was bad,
Will bring the greatest gain.
I wept the tears that drained my heart
I uttered cries that chilled me
I mouthed the silent desperate prayers
that left me with my fears
Till finally I stood before
A terrifying precipice
That dropped to sheer black nothing
While behind me raged a fire
It was set to overtake me
And reduce me to mere ashes
As I stood there numbly waiting
And I watched in frozen fear.
I thought that all was over
And that Death or Madness waited
But somehow all my pleadings
Had been heard and help had come.
I don’t know how it happened
Or what was used to save me,
But the Hand of God reached downward
And the endless void was gone.
I'm back now from the Darkness,
I am back within the world of Life,
Believing there is Destiny
That’s yet to be fulfilled.
I still have days of fear and pain.
I haven’t quite ‘arrived,’
But I am standing in a level place.
I’m back now from the edge.
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Joan Wong
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