It was a normal day until 5 pm. He moved towards the door and I heard a click. My heartbeat doubled. He had locked the door. He, then, disappeared into the storeroom to get something. I kept working, pretending not to know what was going on. I saw him coming out of the storeroom with a gun in his hand. I wanted to run and get away from everything, but my feet were glued to the ground. My voice seemed to have vanished all of a sudden and my scream came out as a whisper. My legs were numb and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.
“Take off your clothes,” he ordered. I didn’t budge. He unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped his pants. The memory is clear in my head to this day. He moved closer to me and tried to take off my clothes. I was resistant—as resistant as I could have been. But the threat to kill my family was too hard for me to bear with. I still wish he had killed me that day, but he had chosen to steal my youth instead. I was like a normal thirteen year old not in the least bit aware of the torture so many go through. I remember how painful an experience it was, and how much he enjoyed it. As I bled and cried that day, my mind developed a fear against all men. I started avoiding everyone; even my parents!!
Today, almost two years later, I still suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Every night, I stay up till late hoping that I don’t fall asleep and have another nightmare. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see a clear picture of him raping me. I wish I could escape from all this and go somewhere else. I have so many nightmares that my life has become a nightmare in itself!
I was used and abused like a toy, once ruined, it could be trashed. I sometimes feel like it was my fault—had I screamed, I would either have been saved, or shot! Both seem like better options today, as compared to letting someone steal my innocence. After the rape, I thought of suicide, but never got down to doing it. Today, I am alive, but unsure of what to do with myself. I will never forgive myself for what happened - Never!
I advise everyone to always be on the lookout for men like these. I was unaware then—I don’t want others to be! I was unable to save myself and I regret it. Learn from my story… don’t let some pervert ruin your life!
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