Many youth with disabilities are ignored when discussing issues relating to sexuality. Whether this means sexual education, dating advice, creating safe areas to discuss same-gender sexuality, or just acknowledging that the disabled may in fact not want to be brushed off as asexual, it still takes a very thoughtful person to bring sexuality into the realm of the disabled community. Many young disabled people begin exploring sexuality in general at a later age than their peers, but at least from personal experience and with friends, that has had to do more with communication and social barriers than physical development. Youth that have been relatively isolated growing up as well as those with severe impairment who are unable to live independently without constant assistance have a markedly distinct perspective on life that limits access to much of normal life, including healthy relationships. Even for those youth who have been able to make adaptations in order to live a "normal life" encounter tremendous social barriers when broaching the subjects of romantic relationships and sexuality. But as any of us know who have taken on the social barriers which block our paths, ignorance can be one of the most motivational factors for moving forward. So rather than wait and see if Panorama will broach this subject in their next issue or not, given the fact that disability was not mentioned relating to sexuality for this issue I am not afraid to say that disabled youth around the world, and I am sure a few at TakingITGlobal, are, like their peers, experiencing attraction, sexual frustration, communication issues with their partner(s) and families. We have questions and concerns, stories to tell, and most of all, a desire to be acknowledged.
I have been dating my boyfriend for more than two years. He is my first boyfriend and first sexual relationship, though not likely the last. Thanks to access in education, a mild disability, and supportive family and friends, I have grown up without much though to having a disability. But as I began to develop interest in boys as a teen, I would sometimes grow nervous as the reality of having cerebral palsy now might be an issue in a relationship. Having some regrettable memories of nonacceptance by my peers in school and socially made me loathe to put myself out there so openly in the romantic sphere.
Even though I had secret fears about bringing my disability to light, I had no trouble attracting some guys to me, being a generally warm and friendly person. However, I decided I did not want to have a romantic relationship until after high school. Two years after I started college, I was ready for a relationship and started dating Josué. I had kissed other boys before, but dating means opening up to another person in ways that mere physicality does not even begin to reach. Instead of being a barrier in our relationship, my cerebral palsy was actually an area where Josué's tenderness came out the most. Intimacy changed meaning for me as we explored both physically and emotionally how having a disability can create a deeper relationship as we adapted our needs to each others'. While my level of disability is not immediately apparent to most people, I have grown accustomed to ignoring special needs as though it amounts to admitting weakness. But at Josué's urging, I have begun certain physical therapy exercises again, and I see his care as a true act of love which is also allowing me to love myself in ways that I did not even know I was previous ashamed of. And through it all, he has grown in leaps and bounds with regard to disability awareness. As have I. And now I see even more the need to be an activist in disabled sexuality in ways that the non-disabled cannot be and will not be if we are all allowed to live in ignorance.
Here in Mexico, disability laws are blatantly ignored in much of the country. Access is a major issue, and many disabled people are denied their rights to a "normal" life. Primary school education is still the only mandatory level required for Mexico, but unless a family advocates on behalf of their child to be educated at this level with their peers, a young person with a disability is either placed in a special school with other students with various ability levels and needs, or left on their own. Any education beyond this level, as in most "higher education" contexts, heavily relies on the motivation of both the young person and their support systems. Many roads are inaccessible for the disabled due to lack of adequate sidewalk areas or treacherous, rocky surfaces, and motorists have little patience for someone who is slow to cross a road for whatever reason. Public transportation, bathrooms, and most jobs are out of reach. But there is hope, as more programs become available for the disabled through our own activism, as more public education is used to discuss disabilities with the general public, and as more international organizations and networks, especially online, become portals for connecting to and inspiring others.
This is why it is important that Panorama, TakingITGlobal, and other international publications gain a perspective with sensitivity to the disabled in all topics which are of interest to the general audience they wish to address, especially in the areas which are most often ignored, such as sexuality, education, and minority groups, among others.
Thank you and I hope to hear from you,
Ms. Jamie Rau
I am 23, live in Oaxaca Mexico, and have cerebral palsy.
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