I’m sorry, did my thoughts throw you off a bit? You must forgive me. Let me properly introduce myself. I am Sir Raymond Lawson- entrepreneur, philanthropist… yada yada yada.. I could go on but I now know that it’s all a waste of precious time, something of which I have not much left.
You see, I thought I was a great man, Yes, I actually believed in my own greatness. Each day was majestic for me as I woke up in awe of what I had accomplished. The morning papers always sang hymns of my accomplishments of the day before; there were days I would try and count the number of times my name did not appear… ha ha ha. What a fool I was! Yet I lived.
So what exactly did I do, you may ask. It’s quite simple, I told people how to live their lives. There are many names and titles for that- strategist, personality consultant, communications expert, public relations guru... Need I go on? So somewhere in the middle, the huge nexus formed by the union of all those special titles was me. I was a master of it all… a rare Jack of all trades and a master of all.
I will not bore you with the intricacies of how I came into this world, and how my parents struggled to make ends meet. Those are sad stories, normally used to buy public affection. I know. So the long and short of it: I was born, I suffered and then I made it. I wasn’t involved in anything illegal. It was my personal ethos: if a criminal can get it illegally, I sure can get it legally. And it worked for me.
At 16 I led a massive campaign for the legalization of cannabis in my council- success. Then I went on to sell an idea on how the city could rid itself of controlled drugs. 3 years from the day I made the bet, I won when the council decided to regulate prostitution and sampling.
Sampling was what the politicians of the day called legalized drug use, it worked in a particularly strange but ingenious way. Each household was to register all the samplers in the home. The maximum a home was allowed to have was 3. Each household was required to fill a form detailing the amount of consumption on a weekly basis, and daily random checks by special officials were instituted. This cost the city Billions, but it paid off: sampling centers were heavily taxed, with the government making over 400% in profits on a monthly basis.
I now laugh at how stupid the rest of the world must have thought we were. But we had the last laugh when our city was declared to have the lowest drug use rates in the history of our great nation.
End of Part 1
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