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“It is a man’s world,” they say. However, the term “man” confuses me! The biblical expression defines the two sexes under one: male and female have one general term, “man”.
The Oxford Dictionary defines “man” as an adult male human, while the Webster Dictionary expresses it as a portion of the human race and also as one possessing in a high degree the distinctive qualities of mankind, one having manly excellence of any kind! The African race silently but constantly defines “man” as a male who, upon birth, is endowed with supremacy over the female by virtue of his sex.
The various meanings are contradictory. This notwithstanding, the African man justifies his existence by the superior attribution given to it by his society. He considers some behaviour an insult to his manhood and his manhood also serves as immunity for him! Conversely, all African tribes are blessed with varying cultures and beliefs but obtain unity and consensus in the position of the man and his immunity.
Now, I define immunity in this context as meaning freedom and exemption from responsibility – preferential privilege. Some acts are referred to as acceptable if performed by him regardless of the gravity of the offence or religious and societal views of the act. Growing up in this interesting society, I have observed various happenings which have given credence to this notion, situations that have ridiculed the noun and incidences that leave you in total disarray and distrust for a society that has made it so.
Interesting to note is the fact that the man of earlier days has evolved into the man of today. The man of today, fortunately or unfortunately, exists in a less tolerant society, less tolerant due to the “3E factors which are: Education, Experience and Exposure. Furthermore, to be modest, 90% of this now less tolerant section is comprised of females. He has become conscious of the society he lives in and he has become responsible for his actions. Moreover, in simple terms, he resides amicably and he appreciates the existence of the other Sex.
In the family setting, the Igbos as well as other tribes in Africa operate as a patriarchy, meaning a social system in which the man is the head of the family, a man who rules. A depiction of this organization includes the man making decisions on behalf of his family without consultations with his wife. It is considered an abhorrence for him to engage in any domestic chores. In simple terms, he lords it over his home. His wife fears him and dares not question his authority; she is expected to worship him and is his rubber stamp subordinate.
Now, in recent times, our men have become processed in their thoughts; contradictorily, they still have their ancient orientations repressed deep in them. I work hard as a career woman and yet still have to meet my obligations notwithstanding the hard day at work, premenstrual syndrome, stress, etc.
Any form of help in the home front is celebrated and its rarity is emphasized before it becomes a responsible act! However, the leopard can never change its spots… in as much as they inadvertently have a differing view and disposition from their forefathers’, they still exhibit such traits. On several occasions, I have heard the phrases:
“You have to tolerate, you are the wife…”
“You can not commit adultery, you are his wife…”
“You have to… and to…”
The list goes on. It is excusable for him to have affairs but unheard of in the case of a woman, or for him to violate and abuse the woman but not the opposite.
It would be appreciated if man and woman could coexist together in total respect, because one can’t exist with the total annihilation of the other. As an African woman and a Christian, I have no problems carrying out my wifely responsibilities according to the traditional expectations. However, a personal conflict will arise when the man consciously flaunts his authority and displays questionable behaviour.
Ironically, the new generation man expects his wife to contribute to the upkeep of the family. Now, I have no queries over that, but what if I am expected to do that and he still divides labour and responsibilities between us according to the same old expectations (viewing me as the wife and mother. In earlier days, our forefathers expected no financial contributions from their spouses and thus, had the sole responsibility of catering for their immediate family needs.
Now, it would be unfair to generalize this display of lordship and authority across the board. As a matter of fact, it is a learned behaviour and thus is liable to be unlearned or to be moderated.
My personal theory is, “Live well for two.”
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ADA
young, dynamic, honest and humble
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Comments
good karen | Aug 7th, 2009
great article...:)
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